There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
