Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
