Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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