Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
