normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
