i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
