No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
