hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
