just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
