Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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