I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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