these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
