living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
