It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
