Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
