I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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