I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
