You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
