8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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