even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
