That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
