Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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