when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
