i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
