so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
