I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
