Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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