It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
