Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
