May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Randomize
