dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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