And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
