Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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