Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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