Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
