I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
