my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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