you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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