Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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