I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
