If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
