So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
