So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
even my farts smell like vagina
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
