It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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