I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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