i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
