I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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