Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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