just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
