It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
