At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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