Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
