It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
