Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
