2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she peed on how many people?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
