before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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