guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
