I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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