Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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