i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
