I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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