are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
