my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
